My Story

My Story

(or My time travel tunnel)

My first childhood or “Who’s against whom”?

When I was born, I objected to my very existence. My voice was not heard! Everything was decided for me; Name, age, gender, nationality, religion, state, family, language, culture. I didn’t come to the world easily. My attempts to resist leaving my warm and pleasant comfort zone are understandable. It didn’t help me much though. It was a breech birth and the medical team used tongs to pull me out kicking and screaming. A born rebel.

As a child, I looked at the world with astonishment. So many senses, colors, people, and new experiences. I experienced freedom. Freedom to be, to create, to play, but every stage of growth brought with it laws and conditions; Social, cultural, biological, physiological conditioning. So many stipulations.

It felt like a millstone on a neck, like heavy chains, like a prison; what is right, what is appropriate, what is expected, what is good – and what is not! The sense of freedom dissolved from year to year.

I do not remember a reception and guidance for life itself. It would be nice to be welcomed by a delegation; “Hello…nice to meet you, your name is Tamar! Welcome to Earth and life itself. It is important to remember that it is a jungle, not the world of Walt Disney, although it seems so. You have a very limited time on this planet, and no matter what you do – the verdict is death”. Yes, reality check for babies. True, but with that I would give up the joy of discovery (although it is not always so cheerful).

 

Life itself Chapter One (or “Via Dolorosa” for beginners)

So I followed a path that had been pre-dictated to me; School, matriculation, army, overseas trips, bachelor’s degree, marriage, children, master’s degree, work, transitions and pressure. A lot of pressure. After many years of living in my head, I’ve started wondering where my heart is. It seemed that my heart has disconnected long time ago, in childhood. It had too much to absorb. I was born an empath with high sensitivity to everything. Even as a child, I was attracted to the mystical, spiritual, metaphysical world. I did not have the tools to contain all the feelings, emotions, and senses, and so, consciously or not, I put those skills aside for a while.

 

Life itself Chapter two (or how do you lower down your panic?)

My journey of awakening began at the age of 33 when the unbearable existence of life was full-blown in the form of anxiety, depression, and a high health toll of prolonged stress. Followed by a medical crisis; some chronic autoimmune diseases from unknown causes – the body was attacking itself, and the unavoidable re-connection to my body, mind, emotions, and spirit.

What does it mean to wake up? Listen to myself; what do I feel? What do I need? What do I want? What am I dreaming of? What am I?  There is a body, a soul, emotions, a spirit. What to do with all of this?

Chapter two encompasses: immigration, professional change, divorce, motorbike accident, learning to walk again, step by step and eventually walking in a new way, my way! Non conformism is a costly road but the reward is priceless.

As a holistic therapist, I have learned to respect and appreciate the person in front of me, their pace and the special path in which they march. As a receiver of various natural treatments by other beautiful & and talented therapists, I’ve learnt myself deeply and taught myself over the years to love all aspects and layers of myself.

Many therapists I met are engaged in giving only, but receiving is immeasurably important, through receiving I met myself. On this journey, I experienced great darkness, loneliness and depths of bottomless sadness, but without it, without the darkness, I would not have understood deeply what people who suffer from depression and anxiety really experience.

I helped myself with various natural methods by: changing thought patterns, changing habits, redefining desires, needs and words, breathing, movement, touch, guided imagery, listening, meditation and communication, colors, photography, creative activities, writing, nutrition, connection to the inner child, Allowing space for emotions and fears while reaching to the source of my wounds, that are irrelevant to my present but contributed to the creation of my-self, and especially through an intention that creates faith in myself, my way, my life.

I taught myself to turn on the light and recoiled myself from the darkness by self-love, which allows me to live my life in balance, freedom, realization, empowerment and health.

This is my second childhood! (Or Present Progressive)

Today, now, at this moment – everything I do is out of self-love. I called to myself from the depths of heaven… And to my joy, I listened and came to me. How does it feel? Like coming home.

Today, I train people who want to connect to this source themselves, through self-love.  I offer integrative therapy that combines all the knowledge and experience I have acquired during the past 20 years – in the field of body/energy treatments, emotional release and soul connection, including channeling and spiritual guidance to find one’s soul purpose.

How do you shift from existential sadness to existential joy? How do we get out of the darkness? My blog will shed some light on that. Get closer… if you want to catch the bug of self-love.

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