The ‘F word’

The ‘F word’

If I wrote a book, I would call it: “The ‘F’ word”

“F” represents “FEAR”. The truth is that people are more afraid of death than death itself. We must understand that in every change there is death of an existing state, so that even during life we ​​experience death every day; of past time, of a passing moment, of people who’ve gone. Past time is death. Present tense is life. Future time is the potential for a better and happier life.

People who suffer from anxiety share one main symptom; constant and repeated FEAR or worry in situations where most people wouldn’t feel threatened. When fear drives your life, the level of lies rises and creates a pile of fantasies that surrounds reality with a cloud of pink sugar, and sugar is known as addictive poison. One simple truth is enough to blow up this bubble and smash the illusion that has been built with great efforts, for years and years.

Fear of being alone creates illusion of togetherness

From the fear of loss/abandonment arises the illusion of possessiveness / exclusivity

Fear of failure creates the illusion of perfection

Fear of getting hurt creates the illusion of security

From the fear of the unknown, the illusion of routine and permanence is created

What are we afraid of? Everything! Flying, insects and reptiles, heights, public speaking, intimacy, failure, success, rejection, abandonment, commitment, surrendering, water, people, closed spaces, emotions, etc.

I used to live in fear since I remember myself. At the age of 8 I was afraid of death. The logic of the child in me said: “If you do not eat, you will not grow up. If you do not grow up, you will not die”. So I stopped eating for a while. I decided to stay 8 years old! The attempt was not successful. I did not have the tools to express my feelings, but in my experience the fear was real. From then until today, when fear knocks on my door, I open the door wide, welcome it, clarify the reason for the unexpected visit and send it on its way. It dissipates faster when I acknowledge its very existence.

The paradox lies in the fact that there is no knowledge of what will happen in the next moment! Everything can change in the blink of an eye, but we find it difficult to function in situations of uncertainty. Uncertainty, for many, feels like the ground falling underneath – a total loss of control. Thus, humanity created dimensions of time, clocks, and the days of the week, months, and years; patterns of time that give a sense of order within the existing chaos. Patterns, frames, structures and rules; those increase the illusion of security in life in the face of unexpected death.

When fear drives life, the gap between the authentic self and the false self grows and this is the point of separation between the heart and the mind. When fear rules, we follow our automatic patterns! We rely on our survival mechanism, rational self, fixed mind and closing our heart for changes. In fear we hold / control. While holding we contract, as we contract – we close down! The heart is locked – no one goes out or comes in. Fear paralyses, fixes, freezes, stops our movement. We’ve created a wall for protection but it’s in fact an illusion of security! Fear is prison!

How do we get out of our prison of fears? Connecting to the heart is the key. All we need in order to connect with the heart is; Love, truth, trust. With those elements, life feels easy, free, simple and flowing. How often do we fear something and after the fact we say, “Oh, it’s less frightening than I thought.” Self-love, authenticity, and self-trust will pave the way for a life free from fear.

Let’s practice some fearless behaviour:

Step one – Raise your self-awareness by listing your fears. Write down everything that comes to mind that frightens you, and be brutally honest with yourself!

Step two – How do you cope with fear? Small steps! Choose one fear from your list. For example; fear of change. Any change means releasing a hold, letting go, surrendering. Make small changes every day; change in your routine, change in your schedule, change in your personal habits, change in the way you sit / stand, change in your predictable reactions, change your hobbies, redesign your environment, etc. As you make more changes in yourself and in your life, you will get used to unexpected changes and deal with them more easily.

It is true that there might be a past trauma that caused this fear to be a dominant leader in your life, and there might be a need to clarify the source of the trauma; when did it start, what is the connection. However, I am offering a self-healing tool to face your fears through experience rather than through the mind. The formula is simple: Don’t fear change – change fear!

 

 

 

Tammy

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